An updated look at Premier League 101

How to pick your very own English Soccer club

We are now in the time of year where we must choose how to spend our weekend mornings and what to do when the house is quiet on Saturday Mornings for those of us who don’t know how to “sleep in.” For almost 25 years, that has been an easy choice for me as I spend time watching my English Football before pigskin takes over around lunch.

Back in 2014, I spent some time on how to pick your own English team. It is time to update it, but I will allow much of it to stand “as is,” because let’s be honest, only one or two of you read it the first time on my personal blog. And to you one or two who do find this as something you already read and therefore were a “Live from Lewisville” reader back in the day, I salute thee.

For the rest of you, here is a mostly not-updated version of “Picking Your Very Own English Soccer Team.”

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First, I will tell you it is complicated. And I will tell you that since you asked me, you are going to get my views and not the next guy's (or the guy in the next cubicle over). I am jaded and biased, but I assume you understand that since you signed up for #SturmStack.

First, some overriding thoughts on such an endeavor:

REMEMBER THESE 3 THINGS:

#1 - Having a club is absolutely the only way to fully enjoy the experience.  If you are planning to understand English or Spanish soccer on any level above "background noise," then it is vital you look beyond the game and learn the characters and the villains. Because that is what sports is. We sometimes forget that when we follow any sport, we are following basically what amounts to soap operas for men. Oh, sure, we like the competition and the highlight goals, but if you follow the Cowboys, imagine if you didn't know why Jerry Jones and Tony Romo are not just extras in the movie.  

Imagine if you didn't feel strongly about playing the Giants or watching the Eagles suffer. The point is that because you know all of the likes and dislikes and heroes and villains and story lines and subplots, you can get caught up in the drama that is the NFL or the NBA. You aren't just watching football, you are watching Dallas Cowboys Football and all that this implies - which is decades and decades of stories and history and so forth. If you didn't have that, it would be like randomly turning on Oregon State versus Arizona late one night and not knowing any players, coaches, or history.

It would be just a game.

#2 - FC Dallas is your home team, but don't consider it the same thing. I started following the Dallas Burn right when they got to town in 1998. I have attended their games ever since and I believe that aside from the all-soccer media, I like my chances with winning any MLS-Dallas quiz amongst my all-sports media colleagues around here. I follow them pretty closely. Colin Clarke, Steve Morrow, Mike Jeffries, and Dave Dir all have places in my heart. However, much like you consider your favorite HS football team, favorite college team, and favorite NFL team to be non-conflicting as you follow football on three distinctly different levels, I would do the same thing in soccer.  

MLS is a growing enterprise and will only continue to grow, but the simple truth to any biased observer is that the coverage of the MLS compared to the English Premiership would be like comparing the press coverage of North Texas to the Cowboys. Yes, there are people that try very hard to present the sport in a big-time manner, but the trappings and the obsession is still at its relatively early stages.

Will there be a day when Major League Soccer is the biggest show in town? I have my doubts. But, over there, there is no NBA, NFL, MLB, or NHL. It is pretty much all coverage of the sport and league they are obsessed with. And therefore, you can wake up any morning and read dozens of stories about your club and the lineup changes, and the transfer rumors, and the match previews, and so on. You won't believe how many people across the world are obsessing about that one club. Unfortunately, that likely will never be the case with our domestic league. That is OK, by the way, because nobody worldwide obsesses about Coppell High School football and still, it is fun to follow that, too. But, to gain an experience that will resemble the NFL or the World Cup experience that has you interested in doing this, I believe you will need a team from one of the big leagues in Europe.

#3 - You should not choose your team. Your team should choose you. You have to trust me on this.  In my 23 seasons of following the English game, I have seen so many friends and colleagues try to get on board. There is great excitement early and then some are hooked for life and some go do something else pretty quickly (not unlike my momentary crush on F1). I am convinced through this experience that the only people that really fall in love are those that end up falling in love with their club. For this reason, you should not rush in. You shouldn't pick a club because they have a cool name (90% of these people end up with Arsenal or Chelsea). Or a cool logo (99% of these people end up with Arsenal), or they are the rival of your buddies favorite team, or you know the Beatles are from there (Liverpool or Everton) or that you know Oasis likes them (Manchester City).

You have to have your own reasons. You have to feel it. If you don't, then within a few months, you will want to go to this other team that has caught your eye and divorce your first team. Then your friends will have a laugh. Don't do that. Consider it like it is dating. You don't propose on your first date with the first girl you meet. You carefully consider that this is a big decision and you want to make the right one. You want to know that you will still love that club when they lose 3-0 - because they will - as you do when they win 5-0. You want to commit through thick and thin, through sickness and health.

For that reason, don't be afraid to tell everyone to slow down. You want to do this right.  You want to think it over and make the decision that you will be happy with.  So, honestly, I think you should wait and watch, read, and feel a little bit before you go pledging your allegiance to any team. I know you want this to get done before the games really start, but this is your first season. Relax and plan to enjoy over the long haul. There is no reason you should be as sick as I am this quickly. Like it says on the headline of this point, you don't choose your team. It will choose you. And you will know when it does, because it will be love (or hate, which in sports is a form of love).

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What country/league?

Ok, with those 3 simple premises established, let's dive a little deeper. You want to follow soccer on the highest level and you want a club. You want to find enjoyment in it, which on the surface means you want a team that is going to be winning constantly. We all have that built inside of us, because most of the teams we follow us already are able to bum us out on their own merits. They don't need help from a losing soccer club overseas.

I think you should also strongly consider someone from England. The reasons are endless.

1. You likely speak English and read English for 99% of your life (if not higher).  If you follow a German or Spanish or Italian (or even Mexican) team, you better be pretty fluent in other languages if you want to consume the media coverage - which I think is vital. Therefore, as enjoyable as following Bayern Munich or Barcelona likely are, I am not able to consider either club on a regular basis simply because the broadcasts and the newspapers are not always available in English — big problem.

2) At least for now, every match from England is available on our televisions and streams. NBC Sports/Peacock cover the league very well and every match can be seen, although the price of Peacock is going to make you work a bit. I pay for content, so this is not a big deal, but know it going in. The other leagues are now available on various streams, but you might want to be aware about accessibility.

3) I would argue that the English league has some of the better competitive balance of the big leagues in Europe. Yes, the same teams generally finish in the same places, but I don't believe it is near as exaggerated as it is in other countries. Obviously, Manchester City has really tested this theory by winning so much in the last decade, but in general, there is not much competitive balance in Spain or Germany, because there are few clubs that have the insane riches and determination to compete at the top.  

But, in England, the supreme financial powers are many.  The traditional incumbents, Manchester United, Manchester City, Chelsea, Arsenal, Tottenham and Liverpool are always up near the top and cause a 6-way battle royale, but now Newcastle United has endless riches and others want to play in the big pool. It is insanely competitive at the top, and the bottom is no slouch, either, to avoid the relegation zone. We all assume that City will remain in power for quite a while, but the Champions League spots have never been tougher to secure.

4) If you enjoy the communal experience, know that in America, most of your fellow soccer people will be following the EPL every week and the Champions League.  You can go off on your own, but it won't be as enjoyable in this reporter’s estimation.

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What team?

Ok. There are a few ways we can do this.  And from here on out I think I need to disclose my leanings.  This is #SturmStack, therefore everything from here on out is undeniably how I see the world.

I love Liverpool. In fact, I think I am as obsessed about them as any team in my life (even though the Green Bay Packers are probably in their own division and birthright).

I read about Liverpool and every rumor and every news item 365 days a year. It has really taken over my remaining hard drive space. I can still see straight as I am wired to not be a cheerleader, but I do think that you should know how I feel. I really want Liverpool to do well. And my relationship with them found great confusion years back when Tom Hicks bought them (only to torture me with his indifference) and attempt to bleed every dollar out of them in one of his "Flip This House" routines and without remorse drove them down from 3rd or 4th each year to 7th.

Now, Hicks has been long gone as a bad memory and Liverpool is better for it. He was replaced by Boston Red Sox owner John Henry (who may not be a great owner, but he is certainly better than Hicks). I could try to sell you on joining my club, but since they seem to be one of the most reviled and hated by many, you may want to deal with that. However, I do believe their fanbase and vibe is very much like the Green Bay Packers, in many ways, so perhaps I was just looking for the English version of what I find familiar. They finally won it all in 2020 by lapping the Premier League, but it is an exhausting team to follow and you better be sure you are up for it.

Beyond that, I have always admired Arsenal. In fact, I have seen Arsenal play in person more times than any other club. My favorite player of all time is Thierry Henry as he introduced me to how special a special player can truly be and basically the best soccer players offer moments like NBA Superstars. Henry blew my mind from 2000-2005 at Highbury, and I think he will always hold that rank as the best for me. Their fan base is quite big in the states because we cannot resist cannons as a logo. I have no issues with the Arsenal and think that they represent an attractive case for any prospective fan.

Chelsea is a team that I have mixed feelings about. Partially because most new fans of the Premiership (2008 and later) invariably were brought in by the tractor beam of winning. I don't blame you, of course, but I have had a few experiences with Chelsea fans (the most notable one being stuck on a train that was stalled in 2010 for about an hour with hundreds of drunk Chelsea fans who were looking for trouble) that has permanently scarred my ability to want to see Chelsea fans happy. Since this is my stack, I hope you don't mind me actually being honest with you. But, when it comes to some of my favorite strikers ever, Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink, and Didier Drogba are both geniuses in their own way.  Also, they sold Liverpool Daniel Sturridge after paying 50 million for Fernando Torres' corpse, so that will always be appreciated.  They are an awesome club and have more money than almost anyone, so as insufferable their fan base truly is, that wouldn't be the worst pick either.

Manchester United is without question Liverpool's greatest enemy and no doubt the most likely club to attract most. I have nothing good to say about them - aside from admiring some of their best footballers - as their management has always vowed to vanquish Liverpool and their fans and Liverpool's fans have a disgusting no-holds barred barrage of insults that never cease and that would make you sick (from both directions).  I wish them the worst and hope they lose every match. In any match where they are playing, I will root for the other team without fail - and for years, I usually walked away disappointed. Like Liverpool, they have had their dynasty times, but like so many great franchises in sports, when their leader Sir Alex Ferguson retired, they dropped a level or three. They have a “Texas is back” vibe to them every year if they win a few matches, but we are now at 11 years and counting since their last title and that is so hard to believe.  But, the first fourteen years I followed this amazing league and sport, Man United finished 1st, 1st, 3rd, 1st, 3rd, 3rd, 2nd, 1st, 1st, 1st, 2nd, 1st, 2nd, 1st. So, trust me, if you want everyone to lose respect for your character and basically want to be the guy in the Yankees and Lakers gear, be my guest.

Manchester City is a club that has been purchased by the richest men in the world and they win quite a bit since that happened. They have finished 1st seven times in the last dozen years since they have invested every dollar in the world in their side, but have a remarkably anonymous past before this windfall of middle eastern oil money in about 2010. Honestly, you have never met a Manchester City fan before 2015, but there is a generation that love front-running, so I get it. But, when they started winning, it was as if the Tennessee Titans became a dynasty overnight. Not much history or legacy, but it is sure fun to follow a team that has the best players and never loses. I understand the attraction of Pep Guardiola’s style and charisma, but aside from Marc Stein who has followed them since boyhood, I generally judge Man City fans behind their back as taking the easy road.

The other 3 you should consider are Newcastle, Tottenham, and Everton. They all have a lot of people from here following them and all have fantastic stadiums, competitive clubs, and fervent fan bases you will enjoy. None of them have quite made it to Tier One recently, but Newcastle has a great history and is on the move with their own Saudi money funding their resurgence.

Everton in my time has always been in that grouping between 5th and 10th, but just recently have fallen on harder times and fought off relegation a few times while building a new stadium and therefore not spending their money on talent as much. But, I have always been Everton-friendly and find their fanbase to be respectable for sure.

Tottenham is always a fun club that seems capable of more, but their budget seems to hold them back some. And they are Spurs, so if you have issues with the San Antonio Spurs that may sit weirdly. But, they play great football, have great players, and just can never fully get up the hill. Again, nothing wrong with loving Tottenham, but they always seem a bit short of what is needed to win it all.

Some of these Tier Two clubs are often ridiculed for only wishing to finish higher than their direct rivals, Everton with Liverpool 500 yards away and Tottenham has Arsenal right up the street, but that is an unfair insult. I always think they are proper clubs that have their charm. If you loathe front-running and want to build for that one miracle year, perhaps these are your choices. West Ham and Aston Villa are always competitive and usually safe in the top division.

The rest of the field in England is a crapshoot of teams that all have something to offer, but also flirt with relegation from time to time. If you don't know what that is, you will soon enough.  But, trust me, if your club is relegated, all I said about access and media coverage may dissipate quite a bit. There are several smaller clubs that I admire, but since they don't always have funds for elite players, it can be frustrating to give your heart to them. If you do, here are my favorites:  Crystal Palace, Queens Park Rangers, Brighton, and Wolves are all on my list of decent choices, partly because I have been to matches at some of their places and actually enjoyed those experiences more than the big clubs.  However, I will tell you that most fans of those clubs start the year hoping they get promoted back or stay up in the Premiership and usually have their hands full to do so.

Other than the clubs mentioned above, you are on your own.  If you want to go off the page and cheer for Brentford or even Wrexham United, be my guest. They all have stories to tell. I just wouldn't advise it any more than I would advise someone new to the USA to take up Jacksonville Jaguars football.

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In closing, I hope this helps.  I know it will just lead to more questions or offended fans of Liverpool rivals who have their feelings hurt that I don't love their club as much as they do. That is usually followed by a Luis Suarez joke and reminding me that my club sucks and they have a better one. Don’t bring your feelings if you want to enjoy the English experience. In many ways, it is just another way to follow sports and be insufferable to your friends.

Have fun, but don't rush in to pledging allegiance to a club you have just now discovered.  Because nothing is worse than meeting a guy who is a "die hard" Portsmouth fan who then became a "die hard" Chelsea fan because he moved too quickly and then became a “die hard” Manchester City fan because Chelsea became too frustrating.

Don't be that guy. We don’t respect front-runners in this space.

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If you enjoyed this one, we will revisit the full story of how I became a Liverpool fan and how best for you to put together own your English soccer vacation and journey in the weeks to come.